I know, I know. This blog has gone sorely ignored lately. I'm sorry. Schoolwork and politics distracted me from my love of mocking comics. If you don't forgive me, I understand.
While I was away though, things in Many Miles Away have taken a zillion turns for the awesome. While the crocodile has been handily defeated and turned into boots, more problems have manifested that ensure that poor Cherry will be making pancakes for one for the time being. Let's hit the trail...
Hockey Midget really liked Sue, the evil, nefarious woman in charge of the development company that's killing everything around her. That's not a shock - women tend to like other women who like killing everything precious on this earth. Mark likes her too, but in a strictly platonic way. The other kind of like can never be, for that kind of like implies love, and by love I mean love, and love is icky and gross.
But then again, Sue is sooooooooo sexy in her white tank top and pajama pants. It will be hard for Mark to resist her allure. Charlie, whom it obviously sucks to be, is stuck kicking plants in a fury because Sue will not return his love. Then again, their kind of love can never be, mostly because the mustache ride went out of style in '79.
Nothing says "a little fun" like having your dog fight potentially rabid wild animals. Nothing says "town full of inbred hicks" quite like a game of this nature being advertised so blatantly at the local post office.
Those are the best rules for animal vs. animal fighting ever. Dog vs. Raccoon, with the raccoon chained to a log in the river, first animal to drown loses? Sounds like a freakin' spectacle!
Come and watch a wild animal DOOMED to die when a lucky hound dog chosen from the live audience falls off and sends the log rolling! Then, after the show, catch a concert and flaming crossbow demonstration from legendary rocker, Ted Nugent! Tickets are just five bucks!
Why yes Mark, there is a law against that sort of thing, but no less an authority than the United States Post Office is turning a blind eye! They're even advertising and providing books of Forever stamps to the victors!
Pop doesn't know anything about it except for that it happens. If Mark wanted information on the event, he could have just looked at the poster. Or, maybe, Pop is playing ignorant to hide the fact that he's been training Sneaky to be the Riki Tiki Tavi of the Raccoon Contest universe.
Mark Trail is so offended about the Raccoon Contest that he's going to go to it. No worries though, he's only taking $20. Don't want to lose your perfectly pressed, double pocketed khaki shirt over something as stupid as betting on a chained raccoon to drown a dog.
Meanwhile, Mark multitasks on an old IBM Thinkpad. Via the power of Google, he'll have figured out that Sue is the culprit six or seven strips from now!
Sneaky prepares for the Raccoon Contest by humping Andy into submission. Meanwhile, Sue Butler is going to begin her campagin to seduce Mark while Mark limp noodles his way through adulthood. Somewhere in this mess, right fists o' justice will be meted out.
1 hour ago