Kelly Welly somehow escaped being mauled by the mountain lion. Mark sticks his gun in Cherry's slot, which is dangerous, because it could go off at any second.

Cherry and Kelly are being mauled alive. It's alright though, because they can still hear.

Moss and Roger actively plot Kelly and Cherry's death, using big sticks to dislodge the rocks furthest away from the entrance, completely ignoring the two easily movable rocks by the actual entrance. Mark Trail stumbles onto the scene, which means that now they're just gonna have to rescue these chicks and go back to Lost Forest.

Moss, FREAKED out by MARK'S intrusion, YELLS like his MOM caught him MASTURBATING.

Kelly Welly is about to be mauled by a mountain lion, making for the greatest comic strip moment ever.

The trauma of being holed up in a cave has finally caught up with Kelly, who has gone blind and delusional. Cherry lets her know the score (the mountain lions are winning), and figures that the best plan of attack is to just surrender, magically producing a surrender stick the likes of which hasn't been seen since the Battle of San Juan Hill.

Of course Roger and Moss can't find the entrance: The cave is blocked because of a landslide, you dolts.

Moss Green doesn't remember that mountain being there the last time he was in the mountains, and, as such, stumbles upon Kelly Welly and Cherry Trail, who are still yelling like the mountain lions trapped in the cave with them are hard of hearing.

Cherry Trail, expert on animal behavior, is convinced that pleading with the lion cub will make it go away.

Nothing says "Mark Trail" quite like a lioness talking in the third person.

That opening narration box sounds like a summer blockbuster movie trailer.

"In a world where two women are trapped between a lioness and a hard place, one man must save them. Lust. Passion. Bestiality. Two women, torn between the man they both love and the lion who wants to fuck them. Lesbian overtones. Cannibalism. Cute, cuddly lion cubs. Mark Wahlberg is Mark Trail...but is he too late?"

8/15/08Clearly, Kelly and Cherry will be saved from their grisly fate if their "move back slowly and talk very loudly" strategy pays off.

8/16/08
Doc Davis is worried about his daughter, sure, but he really wants to know where the hell his horse is. They weren't to be let free from his "Imagination Station," where his "experiments" take place. He can find another woman, but without the horse, his hybrid breeding experiments are in peril.

8/18/08
Mark and Doc Davis talk like real people, and Roger just now notices that his boss and Cherry are gone. Where the hell was he this whole time?

8/19/08
Moss Green really doesn't want to check up on the women.

8/20/08
Mark Trail, surprisingly enough, is concerned about his wife.

Chicago

I'll be in Chicago this weekend, so there won't be anything new until Tuesday.

Cherry and Kelly had better strike a friendship with those cubs fast, because there's no chance that they can light the lioness on fire with a match, a dry stick, or even fire breath.

Mark Trail of Tears

It's been two weeks since an update. Two weeks. I'm kicking myself for being lazy, but I had no internet in New York and no real desire to blog right afterward. Now I get to run through all of the Mark Trail I've missed in the last two weeks, because I'm a swell kinda guy...the kinda swell that mocks American Indians, I guess.

8/1/08

Mark was just commenting on how stupid his wife, Kelly, and all women are when, out of freakin' nowhere, a horse appears. Mark can't believe it, so he goes to investigate with his skillet of bacon, which doubles as a dandy murder weapon in case the horse is really a monster.

8/2/08

Mark is woefully in the dark about the events of the past few months, because all he's going to find at home is an angry old man drinking beer with a shotgun on his lap, sweating about the fate of his daughter.

8/4/08

A recap, then Moss Green admitting that he's not fast enough to keep up with Kelly. Big shock. Panel three is awesome though, this totally dejected look like Moss and Kelly slept together but he couldn't get the job done, so, as soon as he was asleep, she was gone.

8/5/08

The wind is getting stronger. The horse thinks that the rocks could be dangerous. Kelly's horse has been tied to a huge chain of sasuage links. This means one thing: Kelly is climbing higher.

8/6/08

The valley below the mountain is of the opinion that it is safer down there.

8/7/08

Kelly and Cherry are pretty much fucked, while the lion leads her cubs to shelter. Perhaps the two parties will join together in a bid for survival, with each learning about the other as their struggle goes on?

8/8/08

That's what she said.

8/9/08

The rock slide found Cherry and Kelly's hiding place just in time. Now all they've got to do is block them inside and seal them away from society forever!

8/11/08

There's plenty of space to crawl between, and hell, some of those rocks look easy to push out of the way. Kelly just doesn't feel like putting any effort into her rescue.

8/12/08

The mountain hopes that it didn't kill the horses. Kelly points out that they won't know unless the mountain frees them from its cave.

8/13/08
Moss Green is getting stoned rather than looking for Cherry and Kelly. I like how "Buck" Roger is pretty much an afterthought, even though he's Kelly's right hand man.

New York

I am in New York for the next week. Updates will be sporadic. Check the blogs on the sidebar for more comic-type stuff.

-Paul